Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Divorcing and Dating



The day that I met the guy I am currently seeing, (He is hereby dubbed "Mr. New Guy") I was 3 months into my legal separation, 4 months into the loss of my children, and 1 day before I had to walk into a courtroom and see the woman who did everything in her power to have my children taken from me. 

I was in no way shape or form looking for anyone. He was in no way shape or form looking for anyone. I made it uber clear that we could hang out, watch movies, but that I had no desire or expectations for more. 

Then he walked in the door. 

Then he started talking. 

Then we started sharing. 

The thoughts swirled around in my head in a confused peculiarity. 

Why is he being so nice to me?

Why do we have so much in common?

I've never met someone like this before. 

We stayed up all night just talking, sharing snippets of our lives, but I held back on sharing it. 

You know, it. How the hell do you look at someone who you JUST MET and say "Oh yeah, by the way, my entire life sort of just fell apart and it's been one nightmare after the next. Nice to meet you."

Around 6am, I finally told him that I had to be at court at 8am. 

He raised an eyebrow but not in judgement, just curiosity. 

I looked down and mumbled the briefest version of my story in the fastest way I could. 

He tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at him, shrugged one shoulder, and said,

"Do you think I'm here to judge you? We all have stories. And I will wait right here until you get back."

And he did. And then he came over again, and again, and again-

Now, five months later, he is such a huge part of my life that the thought of him suddenly not being in my life is something I can't even fathom. 

I said nothing about it except to my very very close inner circle. Why? Because in many ways, I was ashamed. 

Not of him, NEVER of him, just of saying "Yeah, I just got separated, but I'm dating, and I'm falling head over heels for this guy."

I also didn't want people to invalidate my very real feelings for him with comments about how it's a rebound, or it's just because he came along while I was vulnerable. 

I couldn't handle that. 

But a few weeks ago, I did it. I posted a selfie with him on Facebook and added a caption that made it pretty apparent that he wasn't just a friend. 

Something unexpected happened. 

The picture got a whole bunch of likes. I got comments from people supporting me and saying how happy I looked. 

Of course, one of my in laws had some very ugly things to say, but that was to be expected. 

You know, the story of my marriage ending is really nobody's business except for mine and Jeremy's. However, I will say this, and I think my friends who knew me prior the official separation knew this, which is why they supported Mr. New Guy from day one. 

When Jeremy and I decided to end our marriage, there was no possibility of reconciliation. I attempted to glue together the shattered pieces of our very broken relationship for a year before I said enough is enough. And when I did that, when I said I was done, after everything that happened, there was no going back. Not because I think he's the biggest scum on the planet, but because even when I am finally able to forgive him (and no, I'm not there yet), there are certain things that there are just no turning back from. The only reason we are not legally divorced yet is because the law requires a 12 month wait. Otherwise, it would have been legally done too. 

You can judge me, you can think I'm a horrible person, but I just don't care. 

When people tell me they don't believe in divorce, I very simply say "Neither did I until I was married."

At the end of the day, this is my life, and how I choose to live it is 100% my business. 

I share my business with the world because I want other people to know that their decisions are valid. That if you are going through something similar, do not let anyone tell you it's not okay. Nobody knows your story better than you. 

I'm not sitting here saying that I met my soul mate. That Mr. New Guy and I are going to be together "forever" because I don't know if I believe in that word anymore. None of my "forevers" have ever worked out for me. Right now I just know that he is everything I didn't even know I needed and I am enjoying every moment. 

And I have the right to embrace and enjoy life without condemnation for my choices- and so do you. So go live it.  

As always, leave me some comment love. <3


3 comments:

Mia @ The Chronicles of Chaos said...

Good for you. You deserve happiness and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Live your life, girl. :) xo

Litia Gillette said...

You are an awesome writer! I am with you on this one you have one life to live and you have to make it count. I believe you should be happy doing it, if not it is time for a change.

Claire Granger said...

Thank you both so much for the support. ♡♡♡♡

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